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if you want to know works works better than exercise diet meditation pretty much anything else in determining the quality and the length and the health of your life you might be surprised by what it is today we're going to focus on the role of Community Connection relationships on our health what do the longest living and most joyous people in the world have in common well they

all share one common trait a sense of belonging of community of connection you know when we have a tribe to live on when we are connected to others we have a sense of belonging when we feel there's a worth outside of ourselves we can really tap into an incredible array of our own inner Pharmacy not the Doctor's Pharmacy but our own inner biochemistry lab in our

brain that regulates so much of our health so when we're talking about today is how the strength of our relationships is one of the key factors maybe the key factor in determining longevity I'll just say a quick story about a community I might have mentioned before but it's a rosetta Pennsylvania and it was right about this years ago I want to Deepak chopra's books and they

found that there was this tribe of a tribe a community of Italians that came over on Mass from Italy from this little town Italy and they were you know all different levels of society wealth and you know achievement and success uh at least monetarily and but they all came over but the thing that was unique about them was that they had a deep sense of community

and no matter what station life you were or who you were everybody celebrated everything together all the holidays all the birthdays and the weddings and the funerals and everything was in community and then when they came to the states they adopted the same crappy lifestyle habits As Americans but they didn't die at the same rate because they had this sense of connection now we know a

lot about this research because the biggest one of the biggest factors in in terms of your risk for premature death is loneliness being lonely and socially isolated is equivalent to smoking two packs of cigarettes a day that's really serious so biological aging as a result of all of our stressors and and our psychological stressors and relational stressors our lack of connection is really important a lack

of physical touch lack of intimacy plays a huge role not lack of being understood and seen and witnessed there's a huge role in in so much of the ailments that we're suffering not just Mental Illness but also physical illness and our longevity so this whole idea of sociogenomics I actually came up with this term years ago when I was in Haiti and then it became part

of medical literature not not because of me because other people also started climbing onto it and it was the idea that our social relationships and our social networks may be more important than our genetic Connections in determining our health and our health outcomes and that that our lifestyle uh certainly influences our genes but so does our social connections our relationships influence our gene expression and it's

really not an abstract Theory or notion it literally is biology our thoughts our beliefs our relationships all drive real changes that we can measure in our gene expression that can join inflammation stress hormones so for example you're having a conversation with somebody if it's a loving connected intimate conversation your anti-inflammatory genes will turn on your healing and repair genes will turn on whereas if you're in

a conflictual relationship or a conversation with somebody you're gonna have your stress hormones increase you're gonna have inflammation increase you're going to increase all sorts of bad things in your body that are produced by your body that cause harm so we have huge huge huge motivation I think to focus as a key part of our health strategy and just life happiness strategy a a a a

a deep sense of community and making sure we build that so our social connections our community our relationships all are associated with long lifespan with better mental health with improved physical health even things like blood pressure waste circumference body mass inflammation I was in ikaria in Sardinia which are two of the blue zones and Equipment Peninsula and one of the things these communities have in common

where people live to be longer than anywhere else and I wrote a lot about this and young forever my new book was the power of community they all were part of this Fabric and they all had their place they all had their role they all had a meaning and purpose even if you're 100 years old I remember Julia was 103 months she said and she basically

was still working at 100 years old making all sorts of wedding accoutrements like doilies and little lace things I don't know what they do or in Italy but it was kind of cool it's here she was constantly working and making stuff for all these weddings and was still involved in in the community life so I want to share a little bit about a study that it

kind of reflects the power of this and it was an eight-year study called the Harvard study of adult development and it's been producing data on so many different things on on who lives longer happier healthier lives and they wanted to understand not what makes people sick about what makes people thrive what makes them well so what were the lessons from this study was 84-year study right

long study they were tracking the same people uh and over Generations asking thousands of questions hundreds of measurements to find out what really makes people healthy and happy uh and they were giving these people are giving regular updates on their life their health their income their employment their marital status they filled out questionnaires on on and and were part of interviews where they revealed their fears

and their hopes their disappointments or accomplishments or regrets life satisfaction and lots more and this had a really incredible impact by providing lots of data then researchers use this data to assess how people's lives or experiences their attitudes affect their well-being and one other thing that was so powerful from this study was sort of surprising it wasn't career achievement it wasn't exercise it wasn't a healthy

diet that determined the quality and happiness of your life it was good relationships good relationships Keeps Us healthier and happier that was powerful and the studies leaders that are I mean obviously the people started the study are dead the current leader of the study Robert waldinger from Harvard and Mark Schultz have a new book it's called the good life lessons from the world's longest scientific study

of happiness and it's a great book I actually had uh Robert waldinger on the podcast the Doctor's Pharmacy and and you can learn more about the book and things there but what are the what are the things that we can do what are the lessons learned from the study about how do we improve the quality of our relationships first we have to look at ourselves right

who are we what is our life like what are the choice we're making how are we not prioritizing relationships so we can get really busy we can do all sorts of stuff that we think is helping us get ahead we can spend too much time on social media but we often don't really think about building and investing in the quality and the number of our relationships

and for me I know as personally that that my relationships my friendships my community is the most important thing for me it really is what keeps me grounded keeps me healthy keeps me happy and and then more and more as I get older I focus more on this as opposed to like when you have kids in a career and try to just kind of get by

and it's like sometimes friends can fall by the wayside but it's really important to find and it even can be just one or two good friends it makes a huge difference now um when when these people in the study actually uh were interviewed they really actually benefit from this interviews because it helped them realize where they neglected their relationships and then they considered sort of looking

and finding well how can we improve that so maybe look at your own life what's your social life like what are who are the people in your life that you care most about that you that you want to have a relationship with think about how they support you and how often you spend time together and maybe do a little bit of effort to actually focus on

what matters to you most and help you make decisions that actually can enhance the quality and number of your relationships so maybe spend more time with people who who make you laugh and Elevate you in less time with people who drain you and are are you know energy sap so I I you know I I think it's important to to find friends and community members that

help bring you up and not take you down you know sometimes you meet with people all you want to do is complain and go on and on about everything and I think they're you know there are there are other people who you when you're around them you laugh you have fun you play and it's just that's what you want um you know prioritize your relationships we

schedule an exercise we make ourselves maybe time to make a healthy diet we we focus on our career and work but we don't focus on prioritizing those relationships that matter and being showing up and being present for us rather than zoning out on social media you know rather than like you know doing a million things at once focus on on your relationships you know when during

covet I I think we all felt a little isolated and so I reached out to about uh six of my close male friends and we all have known each other for 40 often plus years maybe 35 the small the fewest I think was 25 years and so we we've known each other and uh we formed this group and every every Tuesday at six o'clock we meet

for an hour and a half and spend time together and share about our lives and it's been one of the most impactful things I've done and it's something you can do it don't it doesn't take any organization you just need a zoom link or you know it's really pretty easy uh and you can have these deep connections and relationships that if that allow you to be

seen and known and and can really help activate so many healing Pathways in your body um they came to talk to people right and and it came in sometimes a small relationships that matter but a study in the University of Kansas found that the simple Act of just reaching out to somebody a friend for conversation once a day dramatically increases happiness and lowers their stress hormones

so hanging out with friends lowers your stress hormones pretty good um and also uh it's not all about you right so take time to ask questions find out what's exciting for them find out what they're struggling with find out what makes them happy have them share their life with you and value their opinions be present focus and don't um don't just kind of be superficial with

them but go deep uh so maybe try to have one conversation a day and put that in your calendar and and see what the effects will be over time super important uh next thing is be kind you know my grandmother uh used to ask my mother when she came home and said I met this new friend she says are they kind and I think kindness was

such an important value in my family and how do we be kind to each other and you know um you know the you know the the the relationship happiness is determined by how you are in that relationship uh and there was a research study in uh Michigan state that looked uh on data um for for 2500 married couples and they found they were you know how

a lot of time in in finding someone who's perfectly compatible but that might not be the whole story it's more about being kind with people you care about and fostering those deep connections also um a friend of mine had a word that I really loved which is called captiveness which is where you cop to it if you screw up if you make a mistake you cop

to it and uh and it's really about learning to apologize learning to to repair relationships learning how to have non-violent communication uh and and um you know owning your stuff um like I said also a great way to build relationship is to ask questions instead of talking about yourself ask questions about somebody show that you care show that you're interested in what they care about are

thinking about um so once advice don't just give them your opinion ask them questions to guide them to the right answer that they know themselves also don't be shy about expressing your love there are lots of ways to to love and lots of ways to express it maybe it's simple things you know um I uh I had a a flight that came in the other night

late and I usually take the Uber home and my partner she showed up unexpected and picked me up at the airport it was like just brought me such joy and Delight it was such a simple thing you know within 10 15 minutes from the airport here and uh it wasn't a big deal for her but it made a huge difference in terms of my own happiness

and it was really powerful so uh help help your friends with a project you know ask them what they need to do when they just clean up the garage or work on a project together um you know call an old friend uh maybe they haven't heard from you a while maybe you just want to check in on them ask them how they're doing maybe you want

to focus on on um helping somebody who's trying to do something that you know may be difficult for them trying to support them and and give them some love also when you have a partner or a close friend do little acts of kindness give them a little gift you know buy them something they like you know get them something that makes them smile can be super

simple um you know when when you often uh don't do these acts um kind of life just it's a little bit flatter and when you do them it's super fun like like I said my partner picked me up at the airport it was like wow you know I got that she really cared also um tell people how they you feel about them don't wait till they're

eulogy to get it's all the things you like about them be specific give people feedback about what you love about them what you like about them what makes you happy and how you feel in their presence who would you be without them you know who would you who would you be now that you're with them what do they inspire you to do and and thank them

for for what they've do and and and how they show up for you don't be shy like I said don't wait till someone's dead to write a eulogy about them it's better to have eulogies when you're when you're alive and I you know I've actually had a group friend group where we would get together and on people's birthdays we would basically go around and for everybody's

birthday we would share a little bit about what their um like and what we what we like about them what we love about them something that inspires us about them and it's like it's like getting a living eulogy it's pretty awesome so um I've I really it really really invested in my own friendships in my own community and I think it's a critical aspect of our

health and as I get older it becomes more and more important so make sure that you take the time to invest in good relationships because good relationships is just important or maybe more than eating healthy and exercising and giving up sleep if you love that last video you're going to love the next one check it out here remember I've been doing this for 40 years I've

been learning and incorporating different things and I've sort of come up with what works for me but I'm going to share with you what the science and what and these are science-backed interventions that I've focused on so the first is you know what do I