David M. Buss | Why Men Cheat | Clip_01| Ep. 195

why men cheat mostly cleared I were talking about on average you know because people's country for a variety of different reasons but on average men cheat because they have this desire for sexual variety and so you see this in some clear cases like I have to pick an older example a Hugh Grant Elizabeth Hurley drop dead gorgeous um model actress whatever and then he's caught you

know having sex with a prostitute on the street and L.A like what's going on he's not he's basically trying to satisfy his desire for sex right and people look at that and think he's crazy because you know he's he's with this gorgeous woman what is he doing but that's not that's not that atypical and because a primary reason for men cheating is this desire for sexual

varieties it's not because um she's better looking or higher inmate value it's just that she's different literally yeah yeah whereas for women the primary motivation and not the exclusive with primary motivation for Affairs is because they're unhappy in the relationship and they're looking to either get out of a bad relationship or an unsatisfactory relationship or looking to trade up in the mating market so this is

the the mate switching hypothesis is it true that of saying that men cheat to stay and women cheat to leave then well uh I would say the second is definitely true women women cheat to leave it now we're talking about like about 70 to 80 percent of women this is what studies of women who have had affairs this is what their primary motivation is is to

get out of a relationship or trade upwards or segue back into the mating Market um whereas men it's more like um Chris Rock had this quib of like men are only as faithful as their opportunity now that's an exaggeration opportunities who don't act on them um uh and it's true of men and women we have opportunities and we we choose not to act on them for

a variety of reasons it could be don't want to jeopardize the marriage don't want to um sacrifice my reputation in the eyes of other people don't want to um you know write it variety of reasons why people choose not for religious reasons or moral reasons or whatever yeah let's hope that let's hope that uh Integrity comes into that yeah yeah well so like a prime example

was um uh and you may be too young to remember this but there was uh with uh President Jimmy Carter uh he did an interview at Playboy magazine a long time ago and he said he had uh lust in his heart and that he had committed many adult Victory many times in his heart but as far as we know he never acted on that um but

he confessed to what I think most men have is they have this ferocious desire for sexual variety um and but some act on it when the opportunities are there or the costs and risks are low but many don't act on it and his case as far as we know he never acted on it and was always 100 percent monogamously faithful to his wife Rosalind I don't

think it's the right question to ask why do men want variety I'm going to ask instead what is it that each gender wants sex for and what does it mean to them like what what is the sexual psychology for a man versus a woman that would lead to then of course why men want variety well that's a great question and um a deep question because I

block and pass half a dozen women and have thoughts about sex with that woman within a span of two minutes um and and I don't think women do now women do become attracted to you know so I hear you know even women who are in stable relationships you know that uh John uh Jon Hamm playing Don Draper you know people become infatuated Don Draper or uh

or George Clooney um or I don't know who I guess some younger uh Ryan Gosling uh and and I can think of a few yeah yeah or historic I don't know where Brad Pitt stands but he used to be a sex symbol when women just like with croon over uh Brad Pitt and perhaps have sexual fantasies about Brad Pitt but um but it's just like uh

it's a it's it's just still a massive difference uh and this shows up this the sex and friendship shows up in things like a number of sexual thoughts per day uh men how many more than women a number of different people you have sexual thoughts about men much higher than women um consumption of pornography about 80 of the pornography is consumed by men then women and

even the nature of the pornography is very different you know with men it's just there's no plot you know there's like maid comes into the hotel room to clean up the room and within 10 seconds they're having sex uh you know whereas women's pornography tends to be more have some some plot some context some romance um and uh so is even the nature of men's and

women's sexual fantasies are very very different and this shows up for example in I don't know if you've ever read the stanika but like the the romance novels like uh the they should be called bodice rippers you know where you have on the covers this like rugged uh handsome dashing on some man who happens to be a uh wildly successful businessman or a prince or whatever

he's like off the charts and status women desire him uh many women and but he finds himself uncontrollably drawn to this one woman sort of against his will and and it's the modern day Fifty Shades of Gray guy Christian Gray yes yeah yeah exactly and um and you can bet who's I mean who's it so these these romance novels it's actually the largest uh selling book

category in the publishing book publishing industry I mean it's a multi-billion dollar industry uh and um and it's a 95 of the consumers of those books women are women because men like to watch it and women like to read about it yeah and and and yeah it Taps it an entirely different I mean it highlights the difference between male and female sexual psychology and and is

it an imagination thing because like as like a low-level example like you can say to a guy like oh what should I wear and he might not be able to kind of picture he's like I don't know put something on and I'll tell you like and a girl can go oh I don't know like maybe like a cute little black dress with you know like um

some shoes some like kind of boots like what do you have for like a girl might have this vision of what something should look like in a guy's like I don't know I need to see it yeah yeah no I think that's exactly right and um all the studies point to exactly that that with men the visual sense is overwhelmingly the primary sense whereas women it's

uh it use a much wider range of senses that are involved in their sexual attraction you know so touch sound mood context setting up and then to your point about these different um imagining different dress scenarios I mean women are just more uh they devote more uh time attention and effort to even thinking about those things and have a most people don't know this they have

a much richer color vocabulary oh um than men you know it's a man it's like well there's there's like green and red you know or and and for women they have like six different words for green well there's teal and there's short green and there's you know mint yeah and then yeah Christmas tree red versus emerald green yeah and yeah yeah so um so even women

have this much richer um sensory vocabulary for colors uh so um so that's another that's another really interesting sex difference um but but anyway so yeah so you get these these fundamental sex differences in our sexual psychology and then that they play out in the real world um and sometimes catastrophic ways um and they also even they can they play out within relationships themselves because if

you figure so men have and this is again this is maybe Politically Incorrect say this but all the data show this is that men have a higher sex drive on average now there are women with very high sex drives but men on average have a much higher sex drive this is another myth because men's sex drive tends to be sort of that it's called 20 range

25 like 18 to 25 feels very high but then for a woman it's like later 30s yeah but yeah for when for when it Peaks right another myth in like yeah which men and women are miscalibrated yeah so so in terms of sex drive ideally what you want you know is a 35 year old woman with an 18 year old guy who uh who's the pool

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