Untitled episode

my anger toward Paul grew into a hatred of all men I began to reject the gender binary Itself by 2016 I identified as trans [Music] in college I was sexually assaulted by a classmate named Paul ashamed I only told a few friends I didn't even call the police My Friends gossiped word spread one night a classmate approached me and said she'd heard what happened Paul had

done the same to her she'd even heard about other women I reached out to them for confirmation there were six of us each silenced by her own brand of Shame determined to put a stop to Paul's violence and protect prospective victims we reported him to the school and the police he never even got a slap on the wrist this was before the metoo movement back when

we the survivors of rape were assumed to be the criminals hysterical women crying wolf amidst the tumult I was nominated for an Arts fellowship at Yale University which I won this was huge art was my passion when I had first learned in school about artworks That Changed History I became determined to make one too confident that with hard work I too could expand the scope of

Art as a fellowship recipient I was granted Studio space in Connecticut over summer break I was thrilled to get out of town and away from the drama in New York out in Connecticut I could make anything I wanted unencumbered by my professors assignments for no particular reason I found an unused room in a house on the property and filmed myself dancing in it the product was

relatively boring to shake things up I asked a friend to film me preparing for the video recording it and resetting everything once I was done One Moment In the resulting footage caught my eye when I was struggling to carry the bed out of the room I wanted to explore it further I asked her to film me again but this time I would bring it all the

way out of the house I realized that the mattress might represent the weight of what I'd endured evoking how it feels to bring something intimate out of the bedroom and into the light the one remaining dissonance was at my assault had happened on a college campus while the video depicted me in the middle of nowhere I realized that to perfect this piece I would have to

carry the mattress like the one on which I had been assaulted when I got back to Colombia while honing the final form of what would become mattress performance carry that weight I took inspiration from the year-long endurance works of my favorite performance artist for example in one he locked himself in a cage for a year I loved the meditative quality of embarking on a journey that

took such internal resolve I was curious to see how I myself might change over the course of my final year of college if I committed to carrying the mattress every everywhere I went gaining physical and emotional strength as I overcame my pain I did not expect my performance to cause a stir beyond the Columbia Community however by the end of the first day camera Crews were

trailing me everywhere overnight I became the figurehead of the incipient movement to end sexual assault on college campuses worldwide I was featured on the covers of the New York Times and New York Magazine I received a standing ovation led by Gloria Steinem I was a guest at President Obama's State of the Union speech I was trolled I got death threats I was reviled by individuals on

both ends of the political Spectrum one article written by a journalist named Kathy young was particularly destructive Kathy worked with Paul to splice our Facebook messages and make it look like I'd asked him to quote me in the ass in reality I'd said something like I have to wake up early in the morning me in the ass in the way that someone might say shoot me

in the head without actually wanting to be murdered the fact that a full-grown adult felt compelled to manipulate the truth and cause a stupid 21 year old like myself so much suffering seemed like proof that the political right in my country was both Petty and malicious meanwhile the left showered me with praise and awards which increasingly aligned me and obliged me to Champion my party's social

causes my frustration with Colombia and the police became a rejection of all institutions my anger toward Paul grew into a hatred of all men I began to reject the gender binary Itself by 2016 I identified as trans while I fully support individuals who need other pronouns to affirm their gender identity I personally no longer need them myself by the time the metoo movement gained widespread popularity

in 2017. I was under so much media fueled scrutiny that I hardly recognized myself art the place where I had once felt free to experiment play and express my ambition had become a straight jacket I was having repeated panic attacks thank God I met Dylan Marin the host of a podcast that I'd never heard of called conversations with people who hate me Dylan wanted me to

be a guest on his show his plan was to contact one of my online detractors and moderate a conversation between us we picked a rather benign one named Benjamin who sent me a Facebook message calling me a liar most episodes of conversations with people who hate me result in the participants gaining Newfound appreciation for one another my conversation with Benjamin ended differently he basically grilled me

and I felt backed into a corner my final words were so yeah I'm definitely going away from this conversation feeling a little like I'll never have the kind of resolution I wanted and you know it's always sad because it's like I never wanted to be raped in the first place and I never wanted to be here at all so yeah I'm coming away from this conversation

a little heartbroken and I guess I hope that this conversation ends up meaning something to someone someday when the episode went live it caused such an uproar that Benjamin started receiving hatred from strangers too this instigated a follow-up episode in which Dylan moderated a conversation between Benjamin and a woman named Kay who'd commented on Facebook Ben if you're reading this I hope you're eaten alive by

wild dogs this time around Benjamin sounded like a new person in the month since we had talked he had listened to our episode five times he was ready to approach the subject of sexual assault with an open mind Benjamin's transformation reminded me that change doesn't happen overnight and there's no use in feeling upset when people don't change their minds as quickly as we'd like that summer

I was single and I matched with a guy who'd super liked me on Tinder we've entered and decided to meet up before our date I stalked him on Twitter and saw that he was conservative a past version of me would have ended it there however my experience with Dylan's podcast made me wonder whether we might at the very least have an interesting conversation I texted him

that it might be quote interesting Progressive powerful for two people who might be the antithesis of each other to go on a Tinder date later the wonderful journalist Sylvie McNamara wrote a viral article for New York Times about this part of my story she spoke with my date and asked him if he had a preferred pseudonym he picked Chad which was as she put it a

reference to the in-cell term used for men who due to serendipitous genetics are attractive enough to have Oodles of sex and Chad is a chad ahead of our date Chad sent me some articles he'd publish and I sent him some documents regarding my work he expected me to be and here I quote him the patron saint of wokeness but he was pleasantly surprised to find that

I was more complex following the date I asked him to recommend one book to help me understand him better and he picked the Righteous Mind by Jonathan height in it Jonathan discusses the sociological roots of our society's tendency toward political tribalism he emphasizes the importance of learning from one another's beliefs to continue watching this video click the link in the top left or in the description

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