Detoxing Off The Drug Of Achievement | Megan Miller | TEDxWilmington

I mean you guys showing up here today yes yes it makes me think about being in this room with you all and experiencing the energy and the connection and the community and sharing our stories I always say someone can share with you in 15 minutes well it took them 15 years to learn if you listen and how quick we forget that in the pings and the

dings of life anyone feeling a little busy lately anyone feeling busy how many people you talk to and the first thing they say are oh girl I'm busy how you doing I'm busy I didn't have a chance to eat today I'm busy I didn't have a chance to go to the restroom I'm busy I don't know how I'm gonna get it all done like this busy

badge of honor right look at me look at how busy I am exhaustion as a status symbol right and as I've been in this room I've been so impressed that there's pen to paper people taking notes putting down those damn phones anywhere you go we are head down in the screen it's almost like we've moved robotic and we've forgotten how to be human with each other

how many people you talk to they can't even look you in the eyes and it makes me think about this mask Heidi that we're all doing all I do behind a mask and you might look at me on surface level and see so many things one that I love myself a little pleather action right one that I love myself a little sneaker God bless the sneaker

game right Amen to that but what what you don't see is that I'm an addict I'm an addict and I have a hunch that you are too this addiction to being busy to getting the validation to getting you to like me at whatever cost you know think about your own life when you think about this being busy how many of us have our phone in the

hands hitting refresh as we're on our way to the damn grocery store like you can't wait five minutes how many of us take the phones in the bathroom with us I do how many of us eat the lunch over the screen cold because we don't have enough time to warm it up I lived my life for 15 years off protein bars and string cheese because I

had to get it all done foreign it creates this mentality that we have with ourselves of you know what I'll be happy when I'm just gonna hustle till this Project's done I'm just gonna hustle till I get in this size Jean I'm just gonna hustle till I get this in the bank account then I'm Gonna Be Happy and then you get the thing and you're like

you know what that didn't satiate the appetite that's not it so it must be something else so you move the goal post on yourself to something else now that's that's another ladder um that you're lit that you think that's it and it creates this hustle at a Herculean Sprint because you think you can do 86 000 things in a day because you think you're superhuman and

then ridicule yourself for the things you didn't get done how many of us do that never celebrate what we did do it's always like oh my God I didn't send that I didn't call my mom back I didn't send that message back I suck I feel never thinking about the stuff that you did do and this letter never ends my friend because it is you versus

you you versus you and I know this because I have lived this life for 15 years this addiction to it and I'm still struggling with it so I had lived my life under this uh idea of I'll be happy when I get the next promotion I'll be happy when I get that corner office job that's gonna fix everything hashtag surface level thinking so I get that

job right like you think the job's gonna fix everything I get the job and then life universe Divine man she has a sick sense of humor doesn't she I finally get the job and I have a breakdown a mental breakdown on the busiest Highway in Philadelphia mental breakdown and I realized in that moment and it was ugly and it was raw and isn't it amazing how

life can do that man that was seven years ago and I can go back to that on 76 the car was shaking on the shoulder of the highway because the Mac trucks were going by so fast and I thought to myself how my life get here well simultaneously I also had an Awakening that I was living my life like an addict focused on getting the job

done getting it to agree getting you to like me so much that I sacrificed myself at all costs for it it sucked the joy out of life and it was never enough and I realized that I had spent my whole life running from myself that is me with my mama and um kind of gets me choked I'm 40 years old and it still gets me choked

up that she was a single mother raised two kids by yourself at 23 years old and yeah I know listen I'll tell you this I don't care if you're a single parent or if you're a mama raising a kid with a partner you are superhuman it's amazing what Mama's love will do yes and I never yeah here's to moms and we were raised we didn't have

much but we had a lot of love um obviously I wasn't shy around an Oreo at this time in my life love me a little Oreo we still can't have him in the house because I go Knee Deep you can't have just one Oriole I was a I was a c student I had a speech impediment and I never felt like I was worthy like I

was good like I had anything that contribute and so the first thing that made me feel like I had something to give was my job and like a drug man I was addicted to it and I realized in this moment as I'm having this Awakening alongside 76 the worst place to have a Awakening is that if your family was like mine we didn't talk about the

hard stuff emotional feeling anything yucky or Murray man you ran up to your room and you stuffed that down and when you don't have the tool kit when you don't have the language to deal with these emotions man you look for a safe harbor a life raft something to hang on to so you don't drown and for me it was my job but think about what

it is for you it could be the overspending it could be the booze it could be the relationship hell at one point I had a mixture of all three we talk about this this is what pisses me off we talk about listening to our gut Whispers we love a big buzzword in our world don't we and it's hard to navigate you don't even know what it

means and it sounds easy listen to your gut whisper it's burnout burnout recovery self-care hit the pause well what the hell does that mean right what does that mean listen guys I'm barely hanging on what does that mean so in your life I want you to think when you pour yourself the extra drink at night and you finish the bottle and you said you were only

going to have one drink right how many times we do that I used to justify it and say well I mean it's only four glasses right when you answer the emails late at night even though you have just this little gymnast in here that is telling you put the phone down and you can't when you go to pick up your phone to do the one thing

whether it's texting someone putting something in your calendar and before you know it hours have gone by right that is because 45 of the decisions that you make that I make that we make as humans are on autopilot it is your brain saying hey buddy you know what we always do this so this is what we're gonna do and it's hard it is hard these familiar

thoughts the certainty and significance that 96 of us crave and will do that we know isn't good for us because we get the high from It We crave it and when you try to detox from it when you try to go out of the lane that you're used to that's when you get the withdrawals that's when you have the craving and that my friend is when

those Gremlins start in here you know those Gremlins that roommate that lives in here that starts typing all sorts of stuff at you so you remain unchanged you remain unchanged and the hardest thing to do for any of us is starting is starting and I want to gift you my friends and beautiful human beings these three keys these three keys that I have used over the

last seven years to take my life from existing to living and here's the really cool thing guys you can too I'm here to tell you it's not a unicorn it's not a myth you can have a life that you actually want to be a part of and present and not one where you think I just gotta make it through today oh my God when's that next

vacation how many of us say when's Friday right so I want to give you these three keys key number one making time for you and guys this is simple this is real simple making time for you making time for you how many of you get up crack open an eyelid roll over and you go right to the phone you start scanning the emails and you go

stupid idiot reread the email done that done that you start scanning the social feed you feel like crap about yourself we watch the news the world's falling apart you do that for three minutes my friend and you have a 70 higher chance of having a bad day three minutes three minutes is all it takes so I ask you are you making time for you and here's

what I mean by this because I'm all about the tangible tangible what do I do instead of scrolling social instead of scrolling the emails instead of going to the news I want you to take that time when you pour yourself a cup of coffee and I want you to ask yourself these four questions one how am I feeling today and why that's it that's it how

am I feeling today and why second question what is one active service that I can do for someone else in my life for me sometimes it's as simple as leaving a love note for my husband by the coffee machine or texting a girlfriend and saying thinking of you or dropping a note to that colleague hey you killed that presentation yesterday one act of kindness my friend

it is amazing the high that you get and I'm here to tell you when I do that 98 of the time someone sends me a message back says you have no idea how bad I needed to hear that third what is one thing I can do today that'll make me happy Thanks that'll make you happy it can be walking outside to feel the sun on your

face it can be reading the book it can be taking the salsa dancing class that you've always wanted to take but it's 4 30 on a Tuesday so you keep telling yourself it's not going to work right you make you make the time for you key number two keep the promise to yourself funny story I love me a calendar invite anybody here love a calendar invite

oh I matter of fact I just made my husband send me one the other day we were at home we lived five minutes from the bank and he said hey Meg can we run down to the bank today to do a b c and d and I was like can you send me a calendar invite and he did and he did I love a calendar invite

but here's what's changed with my calendar instead of always marking the thing off for me how many of us do that you know what I'll reschedule that doctor's appointment you know what I won't go to the DMV you know what I won't take that walk I don't have time I'm busy that's how the Darth Vader moments start my friend that's why that one little email sent

you over the edge that's why the traffic sets you over the edge that's why your kid said something and you flip out because all of your days is around everybody else's wants and needs of your time so when you woke up today and you said you know what I've been dying to get into that book it's getting dust on the nightstand table I'm gonna read it

you block the 10 minutes and you do it and you do it if y'all if you wanted to go for the walk and you said you know what at lunch today with with what even is that anymore lunch right so also busy but 12 o'clock I'm gonna go for a walk outside I'm gonna take the dog I'm going for a walk outside it's a beautiful day

while life happens all your car has run over it's now 12 45 and since saying screw it I only have 15 minutes before my next call you do it anyway it's not about the time it's about the commitment my friend keep the promise and then key number three consistency oh our world loves to have you think that you're gonna be motivated you're gonna feel like getting

out there and it's gonna be great and here's what I want to tell you my friend no it sucks you're gonna hate it and this Gremlin in here is gonna tell you don't do it right so instead of saying you know what you're right I'm not I'll just wait tomorrow to do that thing you know what I'll send them that message later and then tomorrow comes

and you keep just don't we love to should all over ourselves should should should and the way that you break through it is like Nike said just do it just do it consistency you make time for you you keep the promise to yourself and you do it consistently even when you don't feel like it and I'm sure I have friends out there that are thinking Ah

that's hokey this is stupid I'm not doing that here's what I want to tell you isn't it the simplest things that we know we should do but that we don't do you look at anyone's life and look at their daily habits I like to call them these building blocks right of our life and I ask you how you're getting up in the morning how you're moving

your body what you eat the promises you make and keep to yourself the conversations in here it lays the foundation for your life it does and these Keys these three simple keys of making time for you keeping the promise to yourself and doing it consistently it's meant to Spring you into action and move you through the biggest barrier that you and I have and it's the

gremlin that lives in here because when you think of it like we just talked about we carry our phone with us anywhere I guarantee in this room right now we could find a solution to anything so it's not about the information it's about a lack of action I challenge each one of you my friends in beautiful human beings over the next 24 hours I want you

to make one promise to yourself I want you to keep it and I want you to see how you feel on the other end because my friend in a world where you're making promises to everyone else all day long why not make and keep a promise to you carry on with intention well foreign