Weekend Update: Trump Claims Police Cried at His Arrest, Biden Downplays Pentagon Documents Leak

>> Announcer: IT'S "WEEKEND UPDATE" WITH COLIN JOST AND MICHAEL CHE. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >>> THANK YOU VERY MUCH. GOOD EVENING, EVERYONE. >> WELCOME TO "WEEKEND UPDATE." I'M MICHAEL CHE. >> I'M COLIN JOST. THE PERSON WHO ALLEGEDLY LEAKED CLASSIFIED PENTAGON DOCUMENTS ON SOCIAL MEDIA HAS BEEN IDENTIFIED AS JACK TEIXEIRA WHO IS A MASSACHUSETTS AIR NATIONAL GUARDSMAN, I ASSUME IN A SCHOOL PLAY. HE SHARED IS

DOCUMENT IN A PRIVATE SOCIAL MEDIA GROUP THAT MEMBERS SAY STARTED AS A PLACE WHERE YOUNG MEN COULD PLAY WAR THEMED VIDEO GAMES, BOND OVER THEIR LOVE OF GUNS, AND POST RACIST MEMES, AND NOW IT'S RUINED. IT WAS REVEALED THAT JUST BEFORE HIS ARREST, TEIXEIRA CONTACTED THE MEMBERS OF HIS GROUP AND SAID, GUYS, IT'S BEEN GOOD. I LOVE YOU ALL. OF COURSE, HIS FRIENDS ALL REPLIED, GAY.

>> THE ONLINE GROUP TEIXEIRA STARTED WAS NAMED THUGS SHAKER CENTRAL. THAT'S ALSO WHAT COLIN CALLS ATLANTA. PRESIDENT BIDEN IS TRYING TO DOWN PLAY THE RECENT LEAK OF CLASSIFIED U.S. DOCUMENTS THAT WERE POSTED ON SOCIAL MEDIA BECAUSE WHEN YOU'RE OVER 80, A COUPLE OF LEAKS IS NOTHING TO BE EMBARRASSED ABOUT. >> IN AN INTERVIEW, DONALD TRUMP CLAIMED NEW YORK POLICE AND COURT EMPLOYEES WERE CRYING WHEN THEY

ARRESTED HIM. WHY IS EVERYONE IN TRUMP'S STORIES ALWAYS CRYING? >> PEOPLE CAME TO ME AND THEY SAW ME, AND THEY WERE CRYING. VERY TOUGH, VERY STRONG, VERY POWERFUL MEN WERE CRYING. THEY HAD TEARS IN THEIR EYES. THEY WERE ALL CRYING. PEOPLE WERE CRYING. THESE PEOPLE THAT DIDN'T CRY WHEN THEY WERE BABIES, AND THEY WERE CRYING. A LOT OF THEM WERE CRYING. >> YOU'RE BRAGGING THAT WHEN

PEOPLE SEE YOU, THEY JUST LIKE BURST INTO TEARS, BECAUSE IT NEVER SOUNDS LIKE EXCITED CRYING. IT SOUNDS MORE LIKE SCARED CRYING LIKE WHEN HOSTAGES SEE JIGSAW. >> AFTER A JUDGE'S RULING LEFT ACCESS TO ABORTION PILLS UNCERTAIN, SOME STATE OFFICIALS ARE STOCK PILING THEM JUST IN CASE. CALIFORNIA GOVERNOR GAVIN NEWSOM AND NEW YORK COMEDIAN, MICHAEL CHE. AFTER IT WAS REVEALED THAT HARLAN CROWE BOUGHT CLARENCE THOMAS' HOME,

HE SAID HE DID IT SO HE COULD TURN IT INTO A MUSEUM CALLED THE SEXUAL HARASSMENT HALL OF FAME. >> CONSERVATIVE JUDGES HAVE DEFENDED THOMAS SAYING HIS DEALS WITH HARLAN CROWE ARE NOT CORRUPT BECAUSE HE HAD NO DEALS BEFORE THE COURT. DOES THIS BILLIONAIRE STRIKE YOU AS SOMEONE WHO DIDN'T WANT THEM TO OVERTURN ROE V WADE? HE LOOKS LIKE HE'S AN A PAMPHLET CALLED WHY YOU

HAVE TO KEEP IT. >> PRESIDENT BIDEN TRAVELED TO IRELAND THIS WEEK AND IS BEING CALLED THE MOST IRISH PRESIDENT SINCE KENNEDY. BIDEN HAS SO MUCH IRISH BLOOD THAT HE DOESN'T NEED A DRINK TO SLUR HIS WORDS. >> WOW. >> DID THAT GET YOUR PEOPLE? >> EASY. SENATOR DIANE FEINSTEIN WHO IS 89 IS FACING CALLS TO RESIGN FROM FELLOW DEMOCRATS. UNFORTUNATELY, FEINSTEIN IS ANSWERING THOSE CALLS ON

HER STAPLER. >> REPUBLICAN SENATOR TIM SCOTT OF SOUTH CAROLINA ANNOUNCED THE LAUNCH OF AN EXPLORATORY COMMITTEE FOR A 2024 PRESIDENTIAL RUN. THAT NAME AGAIN IS TIM SCOTT, AS IN TIM'S GOT NO CHANCE OF BEING A NOMINEE.